A truly black friday

I have nothing funny or cute to say about my animals, children or husband this week.  Last Friday was truly the darkest day I can remember.  I have felt anger, dismay, sadness and guilt just as most of us have over the past days.  There has been a lot of misinformation out there, and I don't suppose to know the hows or whys or whom to blame, but there are a few things that seem to me to be pretty obvious next steps in this situation and none of them involve having school principals carry M-4 assault rifles as the fine Texas congressman suggested.

I was substituting in a 1st grade class last Friday.  I couldn't help but think, "What if that had been here."  I know kids "on the spectrum".  They struggle with their behavior and find it hard to fit in with their peers, and while it has not been confirmed that the shooter in Newtown  actually had any form of autism, the fact that many people described him as such paints a picture to most of us of a smart kid without many if any friends who was probably teased a lot at school.  When I think of the sweet kids I know just starting out on their journey through what can be a pretty harsh world, I can't help but think that Adam Lanzer was probably a sweet little six year old boy once whose parents had great dreams for him.

When I was in grammar school, there was a loner boy who was very unkempt and liked to fart in class. We all kindly referred to him as Scurvy.  I don't know who came up with the name since scurvy isn't usually a disease 8 year olds are familiar with, but this was the name we all called him, even to his face.  This went on for several years.  One day in sixth grade, this boy was absent and the teachers sat the entire class down and told us how hurtful it was for us to call him this name.  It never really dawned on most of us that we were being mean.  I think we actually thought it was funny and probably even thought the boy found humor in his nickname.  The name calling stopped, but the ostracization did not.

I heard several years later that this boy was in prison for something horrible like rape or child molestation.  I don't even know if it was true or just a vicious rumor.  Being a self absorbed 20 something at the time,  I didn't really think about it. I know I believed the story and assumed that since he was weird that this was probably an inevitable tragedy.  Was it?  If we had treated him with kindness and respect would he have turned into a criminal? I will always wonder.

My brother is both mentally ill and on the spectrum the lucky bastard.  He was teased at school.  He didn't really have any friends.  He is a mild mannered guy who would not hurt a fly.  Luckily for him he has my mother who has always worked tirelessly to see that he receives the services he needs and deserves. It has been a nearly forty year struggle for her.  As the Republicans cry to cut services to the needy so we can give tax breaks to the "job creators," many of these people who require costly life long care, are thrown to the curb. Even those with insurance often find themselves at the end of their mental health coverage after a few years and have nowhere to turn.

As for the Newtown killer, his family had money and I have no idea what his problems were or if he was receiving any professional help.   It would appear that his mother's decision to home school him in high school speaks to her devotion to her son, though why she would have assault rifles in a home she shared with this troubled kid is beyond me.

Many people will say that there will always be mentally unstable people who will carry out violent acts. Would all of the mental health services in the world change the determination of this guy to perpetrate such an evil act?  I don't know.  I do know if he did not have semi automatic weapons at his disposal things would have ended much differently.  Just as I know that if James Holmes hadn't been able to legally obtain his weapons and high capacity magazines that situation would have also ended differently.

I don't suppose to be an expert on any of this and feel kind of like a shit to even be voicing my opinion on a situation I know very few facts about. I do so because I believe that we need to keep up the conversation and make sure we continue to pressure our politicians to reinstate the assault weapons ban.

 I don't want to take any guns out of the hands of hunters.  I have guns.  I think hunting is a great sport and a humane way to be a meat eater. I enjoyed a lovely venison the other night, but  "gun enthusiasts" who want to pretend they are in the Special Ops can get their ya yas out playing "Call of Duty" on their Xboxes.  There is no reason for anyone outside of the military to be able to purchase these weapons of mass destruction and no 2nd amendmenter out there will convince me otherwise.