Family Movie Night

 

When a woman with a degree in film production and film history tops her list of favorite movies she has seen this year with "21 Jump Street" and "Pitch Perfect" one may think that she received her degree from Cartoon Network online, but it is probably more likely that she has young kids.  This is the story of my fall from Cassavetes film series in Paris, to weekend Amazon movie rentals in my bed, and an unending quest for "family" movies that don't require a stiff drink to be able to sit through.

When I was a film student many moons ago, most of my free time was spent sitting in a Cambridge movie theater watching the work of all my favorite filmmakers: Wim Wenders, Atom Egoyan,Terrence Malick, Roman Polanski, John Cassavetes, Jafar Panahi to name a few.  One of my film history professors had actually been friends with Hitchcock and Jean Cocteau.  I couldn't believe I  got college credits for sitting in an auditorium watching classic Hitchcock movies and listening to interesting anecdotes about the legends of cinema.

My love of film brought me to New York City where I would sneak from one movie to the next at the Angelica Film Center, sometimes emerging six hours later.  The husband shares my love of movies though not my love for Malick.  I have to admit, "The Thin Red Line" tested my devotion.

 When I was pregnant with Prince I would waddle into the movie theater and Prince would jump into my throat when the music or SFX got too loud.  Being a first time mother I started bringing a blanket with me to cover my belly so he wouldn't get scared.

When Prince was a newborn, it was still pretty easy to go to the movies albeit, not a six hour marathon. He would nurse and nap in the dark and I got to see grown up movies.  Little did I know, that would all soon come to an end.

Right around the 8 month mark, all civilized activity ended in my life.  The cute little Prince who would sit sweetly in a high chair at our favorite restaurant or nap in a movie theatre, turned into a banshee who  was obviously sneaking out to the corner store to buy himself a six pack of Red Bull every day.   My movie going days were put on a long hiatus.


You may say, "Well, you can still rent grown up movies and watch them when the kids go to sleep."  One would think that true, but when you have spent most of your day responding to requests and statements such as : "Mommy, can you wipe my bum?" "How do you spell suck because I want to write that this dinner sucks." "No.  I want to read 'Everybody Poops' again tonight just as I have every night for the past three months,"  it can be a little difficult to muster the stamina necessary to watch anything more taxing than "American Idol."

Prince was almost two when he was ready to move past his usual PBS and Nickelodeon shows to actual movies.  He was heavily into Thomas the Tank Engine so the first movie he watched was, "Thomas and the Magic Railroad."  To say this movie is bad is like saying George Washington is  dead.   It is an indisputable fact.  I am not sure what it is about the surly British engines that attracts so many celebrities with less than lilly white reputations? My guess, from the cast of characters associated with Thomas, they were all looking for a community service gig to avoid jail time for narcotics possession. The original show starred Ringo Starr and the American series was narrated by George Carlin.  Peter Fonda and Alec Baldwin star in the Academy Award winning film version.  Peter Fonda's last line in the movie is an ear worm forever implanted in my auditory canal: "The lights are green for you now Lady.  Green for glory."  Forget water boarding. This movie should be used in CIA interrogations.

The first movie we took Prince and James Dean to see in a movie theater was "The Incredibles."  I later discovered that it is actually a very a good movie. I wouldn't have known that while at the movie theater since I spent the entire time chasing James Dean up and down the aisles and in and out of the theater.  In his defense he was two and really way too young to go to the movies.

The husband and I then began our trip down celluloid memory lane and started renting all of the movies that we loved as kids to share with our kids.  "Star Wars" was a big hit.  "Raiders of the Lost Ark" was well received until the end.  I kind of forgot about the melting Nazi faces.  Shouldn't the woman from "Big" have been arrested for child molestation since she really did know he was a kid? The boys gobbled these movies up and as a result we were soon out of ideas and had to turn to the Mouse.

There are definitely some good Disney movies out there but I can only stomach so many and while I loved "The Incredibles" I am sadly disappointed in most of Pixar's offerings.  I am probably one of the only people who didn't like any of the "Toy Story" movies and "Cars"  made me want to throw acid in my own face to avoid having to watch it.

The diabetic coma we were slipping into due to a heavy dose of kid movies soon proved too much for the husband to bear.  I came home one day to find him watching, "Pulp Fiction" with baby James Dean. Before you call child services, it was edited for television and JD was probably too young to be affected, though he has turned into a very sensitive child.  I now refer to "Pulp Fiction" as patient zero as we began our quest to find that rare movie that grown-ups can actually enjoy with their kids without scarring the little ones for life.

Skip forward about seven years and most of our weekend nights are spent at the farmette.  After dinner we usually all go get, "comfy cozy" in the bed as the husband likes to say, and watch a movie.  We rotate who gets to choose and as a result my demand that the movie be G or PG rated has gone out the window since not all talking animal movies are as funny as "Ice Age" or "Shrek." When it is my choice I sometimes try to offer a little film history class and choose movies like "The White Balloon" or a Hitchcock flick.  It is a little difficult for a four year old to read subtitles however and any movie before 2000 James Dean describes as "blurry," so I am limited.

The one genre we all enjoy is comedy, and while "Beethoven" was very funny; "Beethoven's Fifth" was not.  So the husband and I began our slippery ride down the road of inappropriate but funny movies we watch with our kids. It hit a climax this summer when I was trying desperately to find something I wanted to watch for my family movie night choice.  The husband insisted that, "21 Jump Street" was absolutely fine for the boys.  I am not sure why I took the word of a man who thinks, "Alien" is OK for a five year old, but we had already bonded in fits of laughter while watching "The Bad News Bears" so how much worst could it be?  Quite a bit is the answer, but despite the drugs, sex and bad language, I will always cherish the memory of the five of us laughing hysterically at Channing Tatum's meathead character navigating his way through the halls of the high school.  Although I was the only one who nearly busted a gut at the end when Johnny Depp and Peter De Luise appear, I saw the joy in JD's face watching me laugh until I cried.  And since most of the sex and drug references went over their heads and to my knowledge Scrappy Doo has not dropped the F-bomb in Kindergarten class, I would say this made for a perfect Popcorn Bowl Moment.

*So here is my list, in no particular order, of the top ten family comedies most parents would never watch with their kids and probably shouldn't:

1. Pitch Perfect
 Maybe because I just saw it, but very cute and not too many cringe worthy moments.

2. The Bad News Bears
The original.  All of the racial slurs, smoking and drinking are good conversation starters about bad behavior.

3. 21 Jumpstreet
After looking at some of the quotes from this movie, I might be horrified by this choice if I watch it again.

4. The South Park Movie
Yes I did, but not with the five year old.

5.Office Space
Really nothing too wrong with this one.

6. Tommy Boy
Who doesn't love Chris Farley?

7. Moonrise Kingdom
No reason to not watch this with your kids but one that most people wouldn't think of.

8. Caddyshack
A little dated for the younger folks but still funny.

9. Bowfinger
Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy are fabulous.  My kids loved it.

10.  Some Like it Hot
Because I had to get some of my love of old movies into them.  10 thumbs up for Marilyn.

*There are no Farrelly Brothers movies on this list because I am sorry but they are absolutely not funny.