All Creatures Great Pains in the Asses and Small

I have been racking my brain trying to figure out what to write about this week.  No near death experiences for the chickens.  The dogs are being pains in my ass with the indoor wrestling and the perpetual tracking of mud throughout my house, but we installed a perimeter fence and it is a wonder what a good zap can do to bring Pepper down a few notches.  Athena is getting her licks in but good.  We did have a bleeding paw incident but nothing a little superglue couldn't fix. (Thanks Kate). The rabbits are REALLY getting along if you catch my drift and the boys have all managed to pee into the toilet this week.  Well, except for Scrappy.  He peed in the bathtub, but only because Prince was already sitting on the pot and he probably would have peed his pants if he had to run to the other bathroom.  All and all, a good week.  So, since the only time I write about the creatures here at the farmette is when they are sick, being killed, killing others or we want to kill them ourselves, I decided to give everyone a more pleasant update on all creatures great and small.

Let's start with the boys, whom I am still not allowed to post photos of:

Prince has started "playing" the trombone.  He really isn't all that into it, but I think it is really that he is not all that into his teacher.  I had to get all Mama Bear when he got mad at Prince for not having his music book which has been on back order for almost a month now.  I told Prince to just say the word and I would march myself right down to the school and shove an 8th note (whatever that is) up his butt.  Prince calmed me down and said it is probably just because he is old.  Snap.  Oh, and Prince was on the high honor roll.  Oops, did that just slip out?  I wasn't going to say anything because we don't care about grades in our house, just effort. Sorry for the error.  It won't happen again.

 James Dean also had a great report card but they don't do honor roll until 4th grade here.  He is really into making clay sculptures.  I know I am his mother but the little details he is able to get onto these tiny sculptures is pretty extraordinary.



Scrappy Doo won best behaved on the bus.  Why they give an award for this is beyond me, but he was so proud.  Prince's explanation for this honor is that since Scrappy doesn't have any friends on the bus, he has no choice but to sit quietly and be well behaved.  Ahh, brotherly love.

The dogs:

Pepper (aka the Farting Dog)  is in 7th heaven over the new pup. All of his herding instinct is now directed at her which is a huge relief to the boys who were getting rather tired of having him chase them down whenever they tried to run around. He is a bit of an asshole older brother to the puppy.  If she doesn't want to go outside, he takes hold of her ear and drags her out.  He pushes her out of the way whenever anyone tries to pet her and he constantly has her head in his mouth which is probably why she is constantly covered in ooze.

The husband did just install a perimeter fence to keep him from running into the woods to collect more deer parts, but he may have been a tad overzealous in his desire for containment and dialed the collar up to 11.  One zap pretty much broke Pepper's spirit.  Honestly, I think the husband did it on purpose.  Did I mention he doesn't really like the dogs? We had to drag the poor pooch outside all weekend.  Athena, seeing her opportunity to nab Alpha Dog status, wasted no time in showing Pepper who is the boss.  It was short lived however and he has taken to dragging her around the house by her hind leg now.

Athena (aka the Pig Dog)  is a pretty lazy puppy.  Well, I think she is.  It is hard to tell what her personality is because Pepper monopolizes all of her time and runs her ragged.  He is like Lenny in "Of Mice and Men" with the little kitten.  "I will pet him and love him and call him George."  I didn't know that quote came from "Of Mice and Men" until I read the book in college.  I thought it was from that Loony Tunes cartoon.  We call her the pig dog because she is constantly grunting and shnuffling (not sure how to spell that since I just made it up.)

The cats:

Larry Robin (aka Big Kitty) is the pet we have had the longest.  We got him back in the city when we were having problems with the ass biting rats crawling out of the toilets.  It was really just some mice, but if you read the post about our city mice problem you will know what I am talking about.

Larry is about six years old and is quite the hunter.  He stays mostly outside because he hates the kitten and the dogs and many of the humans.  He is very fond of the kitten's food though so he will try to trick me by going outside and coming back to the door five minutes later in hopes that I forgot to put the kitten food out of his reach.  I am on to you LR.  The above photo is how I usually find Larry Robin sitting outside the back door about fifteen times a day.

Emma (aka Itty Bitty)
This juxtaposition of photos pretty much sums up her schizo personality.  All I can say is thank god we didn't have a daughter. The husband overindulges this little girl so much I am sure our daughter would be in juvie with a meth problem at the age of 12.



The chickens:

Kyle (aka the Disrespected Rooster) is still my favorite bird of all time even if he doesn't produce eggs. I think he was a math professor in a former life.  He is really a terrible rooster but he does try to get the ladies in line.  Maybe when we get him some young females in the spring he will have a little more power.

Chicky Rivera (aka Chicky Rivera)  is back to being my badass hen.  I am feeling very Dr. Doolittle having cured her of her upper respiratory infection with my banana, garlic, kale, molasses mash; honey lemon tea and vapor rub for animals.  I wonder if I could get credits toward my veterinary degree with this treatment?

Jonah (aka ?)  What can I say.  She is a chicken and she lays some good eggs.


The rabbits:

Baby Bunny (aka BB) is now living large in the chicken tractor.  He and BFF had a mutually beneficial play date in what used to be the chicken pen.  He humped her, she humped him. Repeat fifty times. He was so blissed out by the end of the day that I wish I'd had a cigarette to give him.

BFF (aka Big Furry Friend)  had her name changed from Bitch Face because although she killed her young and tried to eat BB, I really have to cut her some slack.  It couldn't have been fun riding six hours in a car with a bunch of people and two dogs only to be left in an unfamiliar cage to give birth 24 hours later. She's still a boring rabbit, but she is very pretty and it's looking like she will probably be giving the boys their first experience with animal newborns next month.  Hopefully she won't kill these ones.

So there's a little picture of our critters.  More critters to come in the Spring!