Good Morning! It's time for your 3:30 a.m. Panic Attack!

Perimenopause.  It sounds like it could be a new color in the Crayola Crayon box or a cocktail you might order at a tropical resort:  Just add two parts pushing 50, with a splash of night sweats. Shake vigorously with some over the top rage and heart palpitations, pour over ice cubes made from uncontrollable tears and be sure to add a garnish of Trump really is the President.  Oh, and this drink can only be made at 3:30 in the morning.





 There's quite a bit of preparation for girls before they start menstruating.  There is the big talk in middle school when they separate the boys and girls and show a movie about your changing body.  Girls whisper about whether the curvy girl with the training bra has started her monthly visits.  My mother, who was not one to talk about these things, brought a very worn copy of, Are You There God? It's Me Margaret home from the library for me to read.  I knew what to expect and I had my diaper sized sanitary napkins ready in anticipation.




There is no such fanfare surrounding menopause  and I don't think there is a Judy Blume book, but maybe I should check. When you reach your mid forties, there are questions from your gynecologist about whether you have missed your period and when I went a few months without, I thought, "I guess that was menopause.  That wasn't so bad."

Not so fast ladies!  Menopause is when it is all done!  You get a 3 to 4 year farewell tour for the end of your reproductive years.  Only the staying up all night isn't because you are partying, it is because you are vacillating between being overheated and having chills while your heart feels like it might burst out of your chest because a fleeting thought in the middle of the night about this year's garden or your plans for the weekend, leads you down a mental road to Armageddon.

It makes perfect sense really.  The female reproductive system is an impressive mechanism. My notion that it would just quietly stop working one day is embarrassingly naive. So my advice to any of you out there who are experiencing or will be experiencing the joys post fertility, dress in layers, exercise, meditate and if none of that works add a little Xanax to your Perimenopausal cocktail.