Animal Hoarding

Hello.  My name is JoAnn and I am an animal hoarder.  Have you seen this show?  I was a little nervous to watch it because quite frankly, I am concerned I have animal hoarding tendencies.  I still think I may, but I don't think I will let it get to the point these people do.

http://animal.discovery.com/tv/confessions-animal-hoarding/

The show is really pretty ridiculous. In the episode I watched there was a woman whose life was in the shitter because she partied way too much, lost her husband, and has no relationship with her son, so she starts taking in cats. Another woman collects stray dogs and the cops come and arrest her for animal cruelty and take the dogs away because I guess it is more cruel to feed and take care of a bunch of dogs than it is to kill them which what the cops do.  The woman then goes and takes over this junk yard on the edge of town and starts keeping the dogs there.  I have to say I was cheering her on.  If she wants to have a home for a bunch of ugly stray dogs, why shouldn't she? Rich people keep lions on private reserves for christ sake.  I am a little worried about my affinity for this woman.

 We have our chickens and will probably be getting more as soon as the storage shed is turned into the Chicken Taj Mahal.  Our Amish told us we could fit 30 in there.  Luckily, I watched "The Birds" when I was way too young, so the thought of 30 chickens milling around while I am trying to retrieve eggs leaves me more than a little uneasy.   I was probably the same age James Dean was when we had the great idea of choosing the Hitchcock classic for family movie night.  The poor kid was sobbing in fear by the end.  I don't think I will be a chicken hoarder.

Let's start by saying, the husband is usually the rational one when it comes to collecting animals. He has said absolutely no more dogs.  Pepper is going to have to man up and get his ass off the trundle bed and out into the field protecting our sheep when we get them. Hmm something tells me we will be revisiting this restriction. The plan is one Jersey calf which we will raise and breed so she will start producing milk, two pregnant sheep, one dog, ten chickens, two cats.  Done.  If I keep dropping the word, "horse" into this list, I may achieve Inception.

One thing I didn't consider in this scenario are the babies that are going to be born every year to ensure that said cow and sheep keep producing milk so that I can produce my award winning cheeses and maybe some real Greek yogurt.  I may as well jump on the central New York yogurt making bandwagon.  This means we will be making some tough choices.  Do we just keep adding to the flock until there is a sheep for every square inch of land or do we start making gyros? I am sure this is going to be a difficult discussion with the boys.  Anyone who knows me may need to steer clear of me around Easter because I will probably be bringing you baby lambs.

The one animal the husband has no ability to say no to is the kitten. He walks around the house with our little Amish kitten either riding in the hood of his sweatshirt or stuffed into the pocket.  It is pretty cute. When Prince declared that the only way he was going to join the school band was if we got another kitten, the husband agreed, thus leaving it up to me to say no. This is kind of like asking the crack head to pass on the pipe.

At first I say no because we already have two cats.  The husband counters with, "Well now that we have a barn, we will need some barn cats." Good point.  Sold!  I start perusing the Penny Saver (sober) for kittens.

Now, the Penny Saver is even worst than Petfinder because the pets are local and even easier to acquire. We find a couple of cute little kittens.  The husband dismisses them  because they are too big.  He wants one that is really tiny and adorable like Emma.  Mind you, Emma was probably only about three weeks old when we got her.  She still wakes me up at 4am every morning to nurse on my chin.  Most kittens are not weened until around 8 weeks so any compassionate person out there with kittens is not going to be giving away newborns.

I call one number about a little grey and white kitty.  Luckily there was a problem with their phone.  There are a few more but they are kind of far away.  Then I come across a free bunny with a hutch.  Prince is fine with the bunny instead of the kitten and I argue to the husband that the hutch alone is probably worth about $100 and we could use it for baby chicks.  Plus, this could be Scrappy Doo's 4H project.  He sighs and walks away.


I connect with the woman who has Baby Bunny and make a plan to pick him up.  She can't be there but the bunny and the hutch are in the barn for me to take. No problem.  The husband looks at me with his WTF look.  "How are you going to get it into the truck?"

"I can do it." I reply and off I go to get the rabbit and hutch.  When I get there, I realize I am screwed.  The hutch is about five feet tall and six feet long. Even if I can get it into the truck, I can't flip it over on its side.  Just then Grandpa drives in and the two of us manage to get the hutch into the back of the truck.  He ties it down and tells me to drive slowly.

It takes me about an hour to drive the ten miles home with a bunny in the passenger seat and a hutch wobbling in the back of the truck.

The kids play with him for a while and then we put him back in his hutch.  Prince looks at Baby Bunny for a couple of minutes and says, "He looks lonely. We should get him a friend."


Easter bunnies anyone?