Thelma and Louise

When Thelma first laid eyes on Louise, she was filled with curiosity and relief: Curiosity about her missing eye, crooked beak and bald spots and relief that because of the missing eye, bald spots and crooked beak, Louise would surely take over Thelma's last place position in the pecking order.

"Ma ma maybe those barnyard bitches will stop taunting me now," thought Thelma.

Louise saw Thelma staring at her from across the yard and sauntered over.

Thelma stammered with as much bad ass as she could muster, "Wha wha what happened to you? You look like you just fell off the back  of a truck."

"That's because I did," replied Louise with a raspy confidence that sadly assured Thelma that she would indeed maintain her last place position for the foreseeable future.  "I was on the back of the Purdue truck headed to the slaughterhouse with 250 of my closest friend when a van full of PETA activists drove us off the road. The back door opened and my cage fell out and slid half way across the highway.  Took a pebble to the eye.  It was more like a bullet at that speed.  Road rash so bad it took most of my feathers off. Next thing I know some pink haired woman who swore her hair dye had never been tested on animals,  is driving me thirty miles in the opposite direction to my new home."

Thelma nodded her head in amazement as she caught a look of disgust in Louise's one good eye.

"What's going on over there?" Louise asked nodding her head in the direction of Big Red who was standing on the neck of one of the hen's as he dismounted and headed toward them.

"Tha tha that's just Big Red.  He protects us in exchange for sexual favors.

"That's no favor I'll be paying," snarled Louise.

Big Red came over with chest so puffed out he almost passed out from lack of oxygen.  "Well well, what has the cat drug in?"

"Nothing you need to worry yourself about," retorted Louise.

"Mmm, not much to look at, but I like feisty.  Why don't you girls come on into the chicken house now.  It's getting dark."

"No thanks. I'll be spending the night with them," said Louise motioning to the cows.  "800 pounds of cow is a whole lot more protection than 5 pounds of feathers."

Thelma was enchanted.  Not only would Louise not be last in the pecking order, she might be the alpha of the whole barnyard.

"Suit yourself," hissed Big Red.  The blow to his ego hit hard and he took it out on Thelma with a spur to the neck.  Thelma followed him back to the chicken house as Louise looked on in horror.

The next morning Thelma immediately went in search of Louise.

"Ha ha how was your night?  Did the cows cause you any trouble?"

"Not as much as that flashy asshole caused you!  What the hell was that?"

"He, he he's not that bad once you get to know him and he does a good job protecting us."

"Are you shitting me?  He's a prick!  I'd rather be back on The Purdue truck trapped in a cage with four other hens sitting on my head than get to know him."

"Wa wa what else can I do?"

Louise turned her head slightly so she was looking right at Thelma with her one good eye, "You can stick with me."

The next few days were exhilarating for Thelma.  She and Louise avoided the chicken coop and more importantly, the chicken feed as a way to establish their independence from the tyranny of Big Red.  The other hens did not speak to them for fear of retribution from him, though most were envious of the duo's gutsy self-imposed exile.

They managed to elude the wrath of Red for a few days by sticking to the front yard, eating cat food and sneaking to the cow pasture to sleep at night, but their days of freedom came to an end at sundown Friday when Thelma and Louise were ambushed on their trek from cat dish to cow patty.

"Well, well, well.  Funny meeting you girls here," snarled the Rooster as he jumped out of the bushes and onto Thelma.  "Better be careful out here.  Wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you two purdy ladies."

Thelma squeaked in pain.  Without missing a beat, Louise dug her twisted beak between his meaty breasts.  The vexed rooster flew up in the air and ran toward the hen house to nurse his wounds.

"Holy shit Louise! What did you do?  He is going to kill us!"

"Don't panic."

"He's going to kill us!"  screamed Thelma again running in circles like a chicken with its head cut off.

For the first time since she arrived at the farm, Louise seemed scared and unsure. "I'll figure it out," she mumbled, but there was no time.  Big Red was out of the shed and headed back toward them with a look that sent chills down Louise's back.  She looked around to see where they could hide but the only direction they could go was toward the street.  Red would never follow them because chickens never cross roads.

"Follow me!"  yelled Louise.  Thelma waddled after her as fast as her short legs would carry her.  They reached the road and stopped as Red came closer.

"Let's not get caught," Thelma whispered to Louise.

"What are you talking about?" asked Louise

"Let's keep going."

"What do you mean?"

"Go!" Screamed Thelma.

"You sure?"

"Yeah!"

And with that, the two friends linked wings and headed across the road.