Come on Let's Sweat

Move over Pilates, Boot Camp and Firefighter workout.  There is a new workout in town and if I channel my inner Tom Sawyer just right, I will make millions getting others to do my farm chores.  I am trying to come up with a name for the workout since Farmers' Workout is not really very catchy, but I might get sued for calling it,  "Chicken Run."  I've thought about "Cattle Call" and "Shit Shovel" but those names don't really seem to capture all the elements of a true farm workout.  Suggestions are welcome.   Here's how it works:
Equipment:

Five gallon workout bucket, workout shovel, workout gloves, heavy boots (steel toed a plus while doing door kick), 50lb feed bag, hay bales, large cow

Warmup

The Lunge and Shovel:

Grab workout shovel from mudroom.*   Slowly lower right leg into lunge position as you move shovel down into snow and over left shoulder in one fluid movement for 12 reps.  Change to left leg and right shoulder for another 12 reps.  Repeat entire sequence until you reach chicken house.  Rest 30 seconds.
You can set your workout shovel aside as you move into the main part of the workout.

The Workout

The Door Kick:

In standing position, pull right leg back as far as it will go and quickly kick the frozen chicken door 8 times.  Repeat on left leg until door opens.  If you need help balancing you can lean hands against the wall.

Chicken Fingers:

Most traditional workout programs do not include finger exercises, but nice firm fingers are important come swimsuit season. With your large workout gloves on bend over and attempt to open frozen lid to chicken feed.  This is an advanced move so if you are new to the farm workout you may want to remove your gloves.  You will need to work quickly though before frostbite sets in.

The Feed Fling (core strengthening):

You will need good balance for this exercise as you will have to push hungry chickens away with your foot as you dig scoop into feed and fling across the floor of the chicken house with quick arm flicks.  If you are looking for a more intense workout or if there is no feed left in the chicken house bucket, add  the 50lb feed bag carry into this section of the workout.  Depending on your strength, you many have to drag the bag the first few times you attempt this move.

The Water Lug (can be two part move):

Remove hanging five gallon workout bucket and jog quickly through sub zero temperatures into barn.  If water heating mechanism did not work, you will have to raise bucket over head while engaging core muscles and slam bucket onto ground with open end down, until ice is removed.  Repeat this with water bowl for cats and rabbit.  Fill five gallon bucket with water and carry back to chicken house; avoid spilling water all over yourself.  Replace lid and hoist back up onto hanging hooks.  1 minute rest.

Cow Core:

This section of the workout can actually turn into a kickboxing class depending on the temperament and mood of the cow you are working with. Bend over with back in tabletop position knees bent.  Slowly lift right leg into the space between the beams into the cow/horse stall.  Slip body between beams and rise to standing position.  Approach ladder to hayloft.  If cow refuses to move from in front of ladder, engage core and push on side of cow while exhaling.  Inhale and return to standing position.  Repeat exercise until cow moves.  If she gets mad, raise leg and arms into kickboxing side kick position until she settles. Climb ladder and enter hayloft.  Bend knees and dead lift hay bale.  Carry to ladder and set down on floor.  Cut string and throw hay down into stall.  Be careful to not drop hay directly under the ladder or you will have to revisit the exhale and push move from the last wrung of the ladder when you descend.

Cool Down:

Return to chicken house to collect eggs.  Walk briskly back to house with eggs and workout shovel.

This is obviously the winter workout.  I plan to change it up for the spring/summer season including the "Rototiller Abs" workout which will get you a six pack in no time.  I'll be drinking mine on the back deck watching.



*If you forgot to bring the workout shovel into the mudroom the night before, you are kind of screwed because it probably snowed 10 inches overnight.  Warmup will now include a slow jog through two feet of snow into the barn to retrieve workout shovel.  Continue with Lunge and Shovel.