Farmer vacation?

Seriously, how the hell do farmers go on vacation?  The President is on Martha's Vineyard.  Why is it so difficult for me to go away?  I know, he is on the phone dealing with Egypt blah blah blah, but he got to GO AWAY.

Granted, the President and Vice President don't go anywhere together, so technically I suppose Joe Biden could hold down the fort, but I am taking my VP along with me.  Sorry honey, you are the VP in this scenario because ever since you claimed, "Mommy tax" (a term I coined for when the kids have to give me a bite of ice cream or other decadent food I don't want a full serving of) was originally "Daddy tax" (a term you stole from me) I cannot help but remember Joe's plagiarism of Neil Kinnock's speech.

Anyway, it is hard enough going away on vacation, but when you have two dogs, five cats, a bunny, a horse, a cow and a whole bunch of chickens, not to mention a garden and a greenhouse, it is damn near impossible.

Luckily, we have some friends from the city who are willing, I mean DYING to come play farm so the whole family gets to go away for an entire week! (Note to city friends: If you want a free summer vacation at a farm, read a couple of books about farm animals and then put an ad in some high end horse magazine as a "farm sitter." I bet you get to stay at a really swank horse farm in Virginia or maybe even the farmette.)

Going away has always been hard for me because for some reason I need my house to be ten times as clean as it usually is.  This means instead of just packing clothes, I have to go through everyone's drawers and throw out tattered old clothes that were just fine to wear the day before, not to mention the fact that I always have to clean the refrigerator for the first time in six months.

So here is my "to do" list of things I need to do by Saturday morning:

1. Catalogue all of my saved seeds from this year. (How could that possibly wait another week?)

2. Finally make blueberry bacon jam √ (Did it this morning. Hope the pressure canner worked!)

3. Launder every article of clothing in the hamper.  (Don't think this will ever be possible unless I force the boys to be naked for a couple of days.)

4. Spray squash plants for powdery mildew. ( Tomorrow.)

5. Clean out chicken house. √

6. Shovel out horse and cow stall. √ (Now I need to keep them out of the barn until we get back.)

7. Exercise every day for a week and not drink wine or eat bread so I can wear bikini.  (Doing sit ups while I type.  Really.)

8. Wash nasty dead animal smell off of dog. √ (I will kill her if she rolls in it again.)

9. Spend quality time with my cow. √ (I love that beast even though she has no manners.)

10. Brush the horse's mane. (I am thinking the Rasta look suits her.)

11. Download all of the "This American Life" podcasts available. √

12. Bring those two books I was supposed to read this summer to the beach with me. (Just bringing this one:)

13. Butcher 20 chickens the day before we leave even though we have never butchered chickens before. (Yeah, this should be interesting.)

I guess I should end at lucky 13.  I am sure there will be some interesting stories next week.