April in Paris

April in Paris is a little like April in central New York:  Rainy and kind of cold.  Of course, there are croissants, really good coffee, the best ice cream I have ever tasted, Kir Royals, beautiful architecture, amazing art, and of course, a garden of pate.

I had a great time eating my way through the 4th and 5th arrondissements of the French capital.  It really is a magnificent city and it was so much fun spending quality time with two females who love to poke around shops, touching and smelling everything in sight, as much as I do.

I even got to see an actual letter written by F. Scott Fitzgerald, which was just as charming and witty as I imagined a letter from my favorite author to be.  It was displayed in a store window next to a letter from Hemingway which was just as boring and self absorbed as I imagined a letter from one of my least favorite famous authors to be.

Upon arriving home, after being awake for 20 hours, I was warmly greeted by two dogs, two children and one husband who managed to keep everything under control while I was away.  The third child remained upstairs declaring later that, "You were only gone five days."  The following day when  I presented him with a Parisian souvenir T-shirt, he scowled and pointed out that James Dean got the better shirt thus reaffirming his belief that I actually do love my second born more. Ahh, the pre-teen.

Itty Bitty Kitty has not had her babies yet.  She is on day 64. I was really hoping they were going to come while I was away because I am a nervous wreck that there is going to be some operatic infant and maternal death scene given her diminutive size and enormous belly and I really wanted the husband to have to deal with that fallout.

Like an asshole, I have done some online research about birthing kittens and now know I need to be standing by with vaseline so I can yank any stuck kittens out and probably a wet nurse in case Itty Bitty is an Itty Bitty Shitty mom.

I have learned not to seek medical advice for myself or the children online because as one friend described it, "All roads lead to autism or cancer."  This is absolutely true.  I had a kidney stone shortly after Scrappy Doo was born and diagnosed myself with liver cancer about twenty minutes into my online search.  I weepily sat up that night staring at my new baby trying to decide if I should do a video diary or a written diary to let him know how much I had loved him.

There are about a zillion cats in the world though, so I am hoping nature will amaze me once again and I won't need to cut an umbilical cords or rub any kitten anuses to stimulate poop.  I am thinking about going to vet school with all of my free time so whatever happens, it will be an education.

Speaking of veterinary experiences, Noelle has an eye infection.  Again, I went online to look for some remedies.  I found everything from squirting some milk in her eye to calling a vet immediately because she is probably going to go blind.  Since I have had more than my share of experience with eye infections with the three boys, I decided to go the homeopathic route for now.  I brewed up some honey and chamomile concoction that I need to go dab on her eye.  I am sure there will be some apple cider vinegar and garlic tea coming her way as well.  Lucky girl.

Au revoir from the farmette.