I have a very complicated relationship with Martha Stewart. She scares the shit out of me. I know a few people who have worked for her in the past. I will not divulge names in order to protect them. She sounds like a nightmare of a boss for whom I would never want to work. Many of her DIY projects make my eyes roll back into my head as I nearly choke on my tongue. Then there is the September cover of Martha Stewart Living where she is apparently tormenting a baby who wants a toy.
But part of me also wishes desperately to be more like Martha. I think she is pretty badass for going to prison and walking out wearing her signature pageant smile and a fetching poncho that her celly made for her. I also covet her collection of green glass vases she displays effortlessly in her elegant Maine farmhouse, and why can't I have a English flower garden that looks like Lucy Honeychurch is going to emerge through the lilies at any moment?
Unfortunately, I don't and I won't which is why I came to terms with my need to distance myself from Martha as soon as we purchased the farmette. The restraining order is reinstated whenever I see a copy of her magazine while waiting in line at the grocery store. The holiday season is an especially difficult time to stave off her advances. She is a cruel temptress, but I stay strong.
All hell broke loose the other night though when Martha was a guest on my beloved NPR show, "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me." She was funny and witty and even dropped the F bomb. Be still my heart. Have I been wrong about Martha all this time? Would she really be an awesome friend to hang out with?
A little backstory on me for anyone who is reading this and doesn't actually know me. I am a very social person and I love NPR. I love my family and spending time in the testosterone cloud that is my home, but my girlfriends and my NPR keep me sane. Scrappy Doo is the only one in the family who doesn't seem to understand the unspoken rule that no one is to come into the kitchen while I am cooking dinner and listening to, "All Things Considered." You don't want to know the wrath that comes down if they interrupt, "This American Life."
Friendship has been a little more difficult up here on the farmette than it was in the city. Don't get me wrong, I have some great friends up here, but I don't get to hang with them and gab the way I could in the city. Playground time in the city was as much for me as it was for the kids. If one of my favorite moms was in the playground, I would force my children to stay long after all of their friends had gone home so she and I could chew the fat.
The poor husband has to play substitute girlfriend for me now. I linger outside of his office when he is home working waiting for him to look up so I can share some piece of information I probably just heard on NPR or a funny observation about one of the animals or the boys. He tries his best to engage in a conversation, but he isn't the Chatty Cathy I am and I can tell he just wants to get back to looking at listings for farm auctions in the area.
What does all of this have to do with Martha Stewart you wonder? Well, I have this habit of daydreaming about whether certain famous women I hear on NPR would turn into my new best friend if I met them at a party. For instance, I am sure Susan Stamberg, Cokie Roberts and I would have a lot of laughs together but they would probably be more like older sisters than BFF's. I don't think I would hit it off with Sylivia Poggioli because I don't like the affected way she pronounces her name every time she is on the air. I would learn a lot from Ofeibea Quist Arcton, but I don't think I could ever belch in front of her or gossip about Renee Montagne. Amy Dickinson would be a promising best friend because she is hysterical and she lives not too far from here. We could read some of her Ask Amy letters together and make fun of people's pathetic lives. I am afraid she would think I was jealous of her though because she is a hugely successful writer and I have a blog read by a few of my friends.
Nigella is the whole package in the BFF department. She is beautiful but not in that stick figure Barbie Doll way like Giada de Laurentis. Like that woman actually eats what she cooks.
Nigella likes to cook just like I do and more importantly she likes to eat. She also loves to share her food with friends and family just like I do. I can imagine us sitting at a huge farm table together with our families laughing and eating.
She also has that dry sardonic British wit I love. She even admitted on an NPR segment that she has the children help her in the kitchen because she is too lazy to play with them. What's not to love?
It is true we run in slightly different social circles. She is married to super wealthy Charles Saatchi and she lives in London, but I am still positive we would be great chums if our paths ever crossed. So in honor of my good friend Nigella, I would like to share her wonderful recipe for chocolate zucchini cake. It is tasty and gives you something to do with all that freaking zucchini that grows in everyone's garden. I copied this from her website: www.nigella.com/recipes/view/chocolate-zucchini-cake-1356 so you can see her funny Britishisms. Sigh.
Ingredients
90g butter
1 tsp orange rind( i sub mint essence)
1 cup castor sugar (i use normal)
2 eggs
1 1/4 cups self raising flour
1/4 cup cocoa
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 cup milk
1 cup grated zucchini
1/2 cup chopped pecans ( i omit due to school regs)
Method
Grease 15cm x 25cm loaf tin, line base with paper.
Cream butter and sugar and rind ( if using) in a small bowl until light and fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, beat until combined.
Transfer to a large bowl. Stir in dry sifted ingredients, milk zucchini and pecans.
Spread into pan.
Bake 180C/350F for about 45 mins.
Stand 3 mins before turning out onto rack. Spread with icing, if using, when cold. (I add the mint essence after the butter and sugar creaming)
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