Sisterhood

Most women know about the phenomenon of menstrual synchrony.  No, it is not The Police album from the 80's.  It is when a group of women who spend a lot of time together, all end up on the same menstrual cycle. I have personally experienced this with  friends, coworkers, and female roommates. A freshman floor of college co-eds  with PMS is not a pretty thing.  Since I tend to be a follower in the menstrual hierarchy,  I am all over the calendar depending on who I am spending the most amount of time with. To this day, I am convinced that synching up with my friend Jane,  is the reason I ended up pregnant with Scrappy Doo.  That and a lack of birth control.

PMS is not a pleasant experience as the Husband can attest to.  I tend to get moody and weepy and after 30+ years of getting my period, I am still surprised every month when I realize why the cute kitten video I watched a week earlier made me sob uncontrollably as I shoved carbs in my mouth.

A couple of weeks ago I came home from school and after devouring half a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips and seething with rage because one of the boys had spilled a drop of chocolate ice cream on the table cloth, I went outside to check on the animals. Noelle came over to the fence and started mooing at me in a pathetic pleading tone.  I just assumed she had missed me, since  I have not been around very much to lavish her with love and attention.

Just as I ducked under the fence to scratch her ears and give her some mama love, the husband walked over.

"I think she's ready."

"For what?"

"To get knocked up.  She's been mooing all day and I think I saw some discharge."

"Are you sure it wasn't poop?"

Since I last wrote about our bovine estrus issues, we decided to let nature take its course and leave Noelle with our neighbor's bull for a month. The thought kind of terrified me since she hasn't really spent a lot of time with other cattle, but our neighbor has a small herd of Hereford beef cattle and this option seemed a lot less complicated than AI.  Still,  I was afraid they might rough her up.

The husband was convinced we needed to seize the moment and bring Noelle for a visit, so I fetched the harness and we spent the next half hour trying to get it on her.  I have never had a mule, but "Stubborn as a cow" seems to be an appropriate statement as is, "Clueless as a couple of city people trying to harness a cow."

The Husband managed to get the harness on and drag her out of the gate and into the front yard.  She dug her hooves in and flopped down onto the driveway.  I followed behind with a stick to tap her butt. She slowly rose and started to move. I yelled, "I need to go change out of my boots!" as the husband pulled and cajoled her.  I was really going for the iPod because how could I not get this on film?

When I came back out they were 100 feet or so down the street but now it was the Husband splayed on the ground as Noelle stood terrified at the sight of another neighbor's steer.  I ran after them with the camera rolling hoping I was not about to record footage of the Husband being trampled to death.

Once we got past the steer and the barking dogs, she started walking along agreeably.  She didn't catch sight of her destination until we reached the bottom of the hill.  She stopped, stared at the other cows and greeted them excitedly.  The husband brought her over to the gate and I ran to get our neighbor.  By the time I returned, Noelle was already inside the fence surrounded by some very curious companions.

The bull soon came over and liked what he saw or smelled. I am by no means a prude but it was quite shocking how quickly he got to work again and again and again.  Poor Noelle seemed quite bewildered and not very pleased with the attention.

Our good humored neighbor has been raising cattle for quite some time. He assured us she was accepting the bull's advances.  It would seem we brought her down at just the right time.  Since none of us wanted to end up 10 feet in the air from the impact of a bull's head, we decided to leave her there for a few days until things calmed down.

The boys and I stopped every day on our way home from school to check on our Noelle.  The first day she ignored us and stood alone in the back of the pasture.  I feared she was being bullied and needed to come home, but the husband assured me he had been down to visit earlier and she was just fine.  The next day she came right up to us and accepted a few scratches before turning to go pal around with a cow who must have outweighed her by 200 lbs.

By the weekend, we decided to bring her home.  Noelle trotted over to us as her friends stared warily from a distance.  The bull did not take his eyes off of our activity but he stayed put.  The husband slipped into the pasture and Noelle obediently dropped her head as he put the harness on.  She was obviously ready to come back to her little horse and comfy barn.   I stood at the gate watching the rest of the herd as they started to meander closer to the husband.   The bull started to trot over a little quicker and I screamed, "Hurry Up!"   He got Noelle through the gate and I fumbled to lock it in place as the bull closed in.

Noelle walked back up the hill on her leash like a well trained dog.  Cody Bear greeted her with excited whinnies and she somewhat reluctantly joined the horse behind the fence.  I headed toward the house with an all too familiar crampy bloated feeling. "That's why I ate an entire sleeve of crackers slathered with cream cheese last night!"  Just as I climbed the back stairs I noticed a spot of blood on the deck where our dog had been sitting.  "Holy crap!" The dog, the cow and I had all synched our menstrual cycles.  Impossible!  Dogs only go into heat about twice a year, cows every 21-24 days and humans usually every 28-30 days, but somehow the unspayed mammals on the farmette had all managed to get on the same schedule.

I am sure many people will shake their heads in disbelief of this crazy interspecies female synchronicity, but it just demonstrates the power of the female bond and how amazing nature truly is.  If all goes as planned, we should have a little bovine bundle of joy this summer, and then a couple of times a year, the dog, the cow and I will share a few pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, some BBQ potato chips  and a bottle of Pinot Noir while tears roll down our cheeks as Lucy Honeychurch declares that she has loved George Emerson all along.

Intersection of the Ice Bucket Challenge and Ferguson

I accepted the ice bucket challenge to help raise money and awareness for ALS.  I dumped icy cold water over my head and wrote a check I probably wouldn't have written otherwise.   My 12 year old son challenged me.

 On the same day I was challenged, another boy just six year older than mine, was laid to rest from another disease that plagues our country, so I am writing a second check.  This one is for the National Urban League.

Many Americans thought we entered into a new era of racial harmony when we elected an African American President, but that is obviously not the case.  I would bet money that if Barak Obama had not become President and was just an ordinary black man, he would have trouble hailing a cab.  I bet if he decided to go buy his wife a present in an upscale department store, he would be followed around by security guards.  I bet if he was driving through a predominantly white neighborhood, he would be pulled over.  I have seen all of these things happen to black men.  I am sure there is a myriad of other injustices they face on a daily basis that I cannot even fathom.

I don't think the police officer who shot Michael Brown woke up that day and thought, "I am going to kill an African American kid today." But I do think he had a much more negative opinion of African American teens than he did of their white counterparts. I also wouldn't be surprised if Michael was disrespectful. Why should he be respectful when he was so seldom shown respect, just as Eric Garner, just as Trayvon Martin and countless others whose names we never hear? This institutional racism is a disease that beats people down and all too often kills it's victims.

There are no easy answers here.  If there were, the disease would have already been eradicated.  So, I am sending some money to an organization that  will use it to help find a cure.  Our country desperately needs one and we all need to join the fight. So talk to your kids about what happened in Ferguson.  Talk to them about the history of racism.  Talk to them about how racism still permeates our culture. Point out to them how TV, movies, and video games all too often portray minorities as criminals who should be feared. Let them know this is wrong.

Not all popcorn bowl memories are good ones.  Sometimes they are sad and hard to face up to, but hopefully these are the memories that help to foster change.

Day 7: Just Freeze Them!

I made it through my week of blueberries.  Today I get to go on vacation!  A whole week at the beach with no blueberries! Whatever will I do?  I am not going to say I will miss them.  But I will be bringing some jam and barbecue sauce to share with family and friends.

No time to bake today but I will share with you a trick my dear friend Carol taught me: How to freeze blueberries.

Clean and air dry 1 quart of blueberries. Spread berries in single layer on large cookie sheet.  Put cookie sheet in freezer for 30 minutes.

Loosen frozen berries with your fingers and pour into 1 quart resealable plastic bag.  Store in freezer.

I can tell you from experience when the leaves have fallen and the temperature drops to ungodly lows, you are going to pine for the day when those blueberry bushes are bent to the ground heavy with fruit again.

While you pine, you can bake your favorite blueberry treat with your frozen berries or better yet, enjoy a bowl sprinkled with sugar or a dollop of whipped cream.

Day 6: Curried Chicken and Blueberry Salad

The Popcorn Bowl memory my kids are going to take away from "A Week of Blueberries," is that Mom did not feed us all week.

I have been so busy mashing, baking, canning, and storing blueberries, not to mention trying to tend to gardens and greenhouses and getting the farmette ship shape for our friends who are coming tonight, that the boys have definitely gone ferrel. I find cheese stick wrappers and empty cracker sleeves all over the place.

Prince spent the night at a friend's yesterday, so I decided to take the opportunity to step away from the sweet side of blueberries and incorporate it into the main course.  Prince is a real meat and potatoes kind of kid, but his brothers are a little more adventurous when it comes to food; the perfect candidates to try a new recipe.

One of my favorite salads is curried chicken with green grapes.  I could eat pounds of it.  For my week of blueberries, I decided to change it up a bit and add blueberries instead of grapes.

  We used up all of our own chicken a couple of months ago so I had to settle for the broth injected Frankenbreasts from the grocery store.  They were so big that two boneless breasts were plenty for the four of us.

Recipe:

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1C fresh blueberries
1/3C mayonaise
1T apple cider vinegar
2T curry powder (I like a lot of curry so you may want to start with less and add more if so desired)
salt and pepper to taste

Place each chicken breast in 6" aluminum foil square.  Sprinkle with salt and pepper and top with sprig of tarragon.  Fold aluminum into a little packet. Add a splash of white wine or broth and close packet up tightly.  Place chicken packs in baking pan and bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.

Remove pan from the oven.  Carefully open one of the packets.  Be careful.  The steam will be hot.  Cut half way through breast.  Meat should be white and juice clear.  If there is any pinkness, wrap packet back up and return to the oven for another 10 minutes.

While chicken cools, combine mayo, curry powder, ACV, salt and pepper in large bowl. Whisk to combine.

Cut chicken into bite size pieces. Add chicken and blueberries to curried mayo and gently stir to cover chicken evenly.

Can be used for sandwiches or pile it onto a bed of lettuces for lovely summer dinner.

Day 5: Blueberry BBQ sauce

Must make blueberry jam.  Must make blueberry jam.  I feel a bit like the, "It's time to make the donuts" guy right about now.  Wake up. Make jam. Clean up. Go to bed. Repeat. God I could use a glass of blueberry wine.  Hmm, that might be an idea for next year.

I have plenty of plain blueberry jam in the closet, so now I get to be a little more creative.  I like infusing the jam with different herbs.  Rosemary is my personal favorite.  I was quite pleased with last year's onion jam and while the husband turned up his nose at my Umami jam (fish sauce, anchovies, lemongrass) I liked it.

Today I am inspired to make some Blueberry BBQ sauce to go with the lovely steak our neighbor gave us.  You may not be able to get a decent bagel or a nice piece of salmon up here, but top notch grass fed beef is plentiful.

Here is what you will need:

8C washed blueberries
1C sugar
1C molasses
1/2C apple cider vinegar
1 tin anchovy filets
1/4C capers
1/4C fish sauce
1/4C worcestershire sauce
4 cloves garlic
1T ancho chili powder
1T tumeric
1Dried chili for each jar (optional)
Food Processor or Blender
heavy bottomed saucepan
large pot for canning
4 clean 1pt canning jars and lids

Fill large pot with enough water to cover canning jars by 1-2 inches.  Let water come to a boil while you prepare the bbq sauce.

Add all ingredients except dried chili to food processor.  Pulse six or seven times.  Depending on the size of your processor, you may need to chop the berry mixture in two batches.

Transfer mixture to heavy bottomed saucepan  and bring to a boil.  At this point have a taste and adjust if needed.  I tend to be more comfortable with savory berry concoctions so I tweak as I go along.

Pour mixture into clean canning jars. Leave a little room at top. Add a dried chili if need a little more heat. Place lids on jars and screw on rings, but not too tight.

Gently place jars into the boiling water using jar lifting tool thingy. cover pot and boil for 20 minutes.

Remove jars from pot and let cool. You will start to hear popping sounds as the lids seal. When jars have cooled, press down on lid.  If there is any wiggle room, you will need to reprocess in the boiling water bath.

Brush some of this on your steak, ribs or chicken five to ten minutes before you are done grilling.

Enjoy!

Day 4: Blueberry Dump Cake

The husband is on his way home with Amish Eldin and his family.  They are coming to pick blueberries. The husband actually bartered a five gallon buckets of blueberries for some of Amish Eldin's firewood, so those berries are now currency as well as food.

I need a quick dessert that I can make before they get here.  Luckily, Prince did a report on the great state of New Jersey when he was in 5th grade and introduced me to the state dessert: Blueberry Dump Cake.

I don't really associate New Jersey with blueberries.  You'd think Maine would have claim to all things blueberry.

If cobbler is poor man's pie, than dump cake is poor man's cobbler.   It is really tasty though.  Prince even requested it for his birthday this year.

What you will need:

4C blueberries fresh or frozen
1/4C sugar ( I use a lot less sugar than the state sanctioned recipe)
1 box yellow cake mix
1T cinnamon
1 stick butter
1T corn starch (if using frozen berries)
13x9 pan

Pour blueberries into 13x9 pan. Sprinkle sugar and cinnamon on top.

Pour cake mix over blueberries.

Cut butter into 16 pieces and lay on top of cake mix.

Bake in 350 degree oven for 35-40 minutes

I was going to take the money shot of a nice scoopful of dump cake topped with ice cream, but by the time I got home from driving Amish Eldin's wife to the grocery store, it was all gone.

Day 3: Blueberry Jam

Holy Sh%*  please tell me that is not a 5 gallon bucket filled with blueberries.  It is.  I guess the blueberry fairy, aka, the husband has been putting his morning to good use.   Looks like I am not going to the lake today.

OK, so I need to stop pussy footing around with fancy desserts that use one or two cups of blueberries if I am going to make a serious dent in this bucket of berries.  That can only mean one thing: It's time to make jam.

Canning jam like canning anything else, is tedious and time consuming, but come February when you crack open a jar of jam or tomatoes, it will make you very happy.

What you will need:

Lots of blueberries
sugar

pectin
lemon
salt (optional but I like to add a dash)
canning jars and lids
canning tools (especially the jar lifting thing and the wide mouthed funnel)
large pot with cover
food processor or blender to chop up berries or you can use a masher

For 4 pints of blueberry jam:

8C blueberries
1 box pectin (I like to use the no sugar pectin because I use a 1/3 of the sugar that most recipes call for.)
2 ½C sugar
1/4t  lemon
1/4t  salt

Clean jars and lids.  Some people like to boil them, but the dishwasher works fine in my opinion.

Fill large pot with enough water to cover canning jars by 1-2 inches.  Bring to a boil while you prepare the jam.

Rinse blueberries and pick out stems.

Add blueberries, lemon juice, pectin, 1/2 C sugar, and salt to food processor.  Pulse three or four times.  Depending on the size of your processor, you may need to process the berries in two batches.

Transfer the mixture to a heavy bottomed sauce pan and bring to a boil.  Keep stirring and do not leave unattended or pectin may cause clumping. Add 2 C sugar and stir constantly until it comes to a boil that cannot be stirred away.  Continue to boil while stirring for one minute.

Use a ladle and wide mouth funnel to fill the jars.  Leave a little space at the top or else you will have mess on your hands.

Place lids on jars and screw tops on, but not too tight

Gently lift each jar with your jar lifting tool and place in pot of boiling water. Process for 10 minutes.

Remove jars from pot and let cool. You will start to hear popping sounds as the lids seal. When jars have cooled, press down on lid.  If there is any wiggle room, you will need to reprocess.


Jam should keep for at least a year unless it is the bacon jam I made a couple years back and that would probably give you botulism.
Enjoy!